Cat is snoring her head off.
It’s particularly hilarious.
It’s particularly hilarious.
that would be good to talk about in a reflective piece, self doubt is quite normal as far as I can tell & confidence in RT comes with time, I actually was surprised at this, cause I always got the impression that you had an ok confidence levelHey good idea! Although I already decided to write about a patient who has a serious issue with time, appointments and is genuinely really bitter. She leaves if you’re running late. Between her 2nd and 3rd treatment had a two week break. Refused chemo therapy. Is no threatening to sue as she was not informed of the benefit of concurrent chemoradiotherapy, despite the fact she has read her own file and it clearly indicates that she was informed on multiple occasions. She cancelled all her weeks appointments. And constantly bitches about how we’re wasting her time. Refuses to go under GA for brachytherapy as her surgeon took ‘too long’ when she initially had her surgery and biopsies.
I asked my student educator if the two days I had off during placement could be put by the wayside and not documented (as I am aware of multiple other students who have previously, and currently been awarded this very thing). She seemed appalled I would even ask such a thing, ‘No!’
Well I tried I guess, I do feel like an idiot asking though, especially when I knew she was the sort of person to say no. She’s a woman that works too closely to the book. Every second has to be made up. Only another week to go, but after this conversation with her I just want to get out of there as fast as I can so she doesn’t make any more judgements about me…plus she gives me my final assessment.
Something I have picked up on lately. My whole life people have been telling me to acknowledge when I do a good job, be proud of my work and take compliments…because apparently I don’t? This placement in particular, every mentor I have had thus far has called me up on having too much self doubt, needing to relax and show more confidence in my ability to do tasks. Which is a fine and fair assessment, only that I feel I have been called up on it so many times recently. I mean even my therapist has been telling me basically the same thing since I first started working with her.
And I hear them, I hear them all. It’s just really starting to bother me. It feels so personal, like I only I can make these judgements of myself. And if I sit down and really think about it, their assessments are valid, but consistently being told the same thing will not help me. I always thought that I was good at acting and pretending I was confident with things (which I have clearly demonstrated on so many occasions when I have had to do things that I don’t want to do. I will often volunteer to do things first and stand up in front on the class…or whatever). I don’t know, maybe I do all those things to hide the fact that I have a problem with it. I think maybe the fact that RT is a teamwork thing may have something to do with it, as someone else is also relying on me.
I don’t know what to do with this assessment.