A little bit about my mental health
I’ve had these persistent headaches for almost 3 weeks now. They were so bad initially that I had to have naps daily for the first week. I barely made it through uni and only went to a lot of my classes because they were compulsory.
My organisation skills went out the window because I was so drained, exhausted and just couldn’t think!
I went to GP about them…said it was probably muscular/tension related. Fair call, even I thought that and my psychologist agreed. The only reason I’ve been persistent is because they’re affecting my day to day living at the moment. Had a few blood tests that indicated infection and a few other things but nothing of concern.
I called this morning and decided to make another appointment with the GP. Just to see what he would say and what my options were.
'Have you been stressed?'
'Haha…have I? I'm a uni student of course I've been stressed!'
Anyway…that led to him telling me I should consider the counseling service. Hmmm…done, you can tick that off the list. Which then led to talk of anti depressants.
Okay this one was a huge curve ball for me. I did not see that coming at all. I told him no, I don’t think I need them…but then really if I think about it I’ve been carrying around a lot of baggage for years and while I thought I was coping then, I wasn’t. Which was what led me to seeing the psych when I started uni this year.
Uni was my breaking point. Too much had happened and I just couldn’t find the energy to handle my move from my family and friends, studying again (been 8 years since I actually had to memorize anything from a book), finding myself alone and wondering am I really doing this? Am I starting from scratch, throwing out everything I’ve done and know to go completely left of field and start in the health industry?
Moving and starting again has been the BEST thing I have ever done for myself. But along with that has come a load of stress and anxiety that’s been getting better and worse the whole way along.
A few weeks ago I had a situation with a family member that took me completely by surprise. I was in hysterics and it sent me into a pretty deep downward spiral of depression and anxiety. All I wanted to do was rip myself open and strew the organs that comprise of my physical body…EVERYWHERE! I just wanted to inflict deep pain in myself, I wanted to hurt myself so badly. It’s all I could think about.
Well I’m glad to say that I’ve past that, but it was awful and I was pretty brutal with myself. I slammed the pavement and my behavior was pretty damn reckless.
So…anti depressants. Nope I don’t need ‘em!
I have another blood test to check everything is a-ok, as some of the results have been a bit erratic and I have to give taking pain killers a good solid shot before I reconsider this. But the GP said I shouldn’t throw the idea out the window.
It will be interesting to hear what my psychologist has to say about this.
- highwaytoradiotherapy posted this